Monday, August 25, 2008

Survivor

Once i was asked in a truth or dare game...Where do you see yourself 5 years from now..and as i was in a blue mood at that moment...my answer was " i will be half lying in my bed...it is dark...books are around me...the laptop in my lap..and i will be thinking..how did i reach here?"

When i look back at that statment , i realize how we sometimes impose and decide in advance how our future is going to be ? We subconciously give in to our black thoughts and we - again - subconciously allow it to manifest...we help it come true..and then we go like " See i told you so...i told you it will happen "

The truth that we dont realize...is that we really do create our future..we create 90% of the events that happen with us...

Back to the statement above , somewhere beyond my concious i was making it come true...i was being so picky on my friends...and somehow i found excuses not to get in touch with them...i isolated my self from everyone...i hated my job and stoppped searching for any creativity in it which intensified the feeling of boredom...i blamed my loneliness on life and faith..and yes..that day i was sitting alone in my room thinking " how did i reach here?"

It scared me like hell...the alarms rang in my head..and i realized i dont want this...i dont want to be lonely...i dont want the books and some internet to be my friends...this is not me....and there only there i realized that i made it happen , i created all the circumstances to materialize a vision...why? because it is easier...it is easier to be sad, lonely and blame faith...it is easier to give up than to fight...

We were born with instincts of surviving...we want to survive... but sometimes laziness and chosing the easy way masks it...and we stop surviving...we just give in....

I want to survive ...it is clear...pure..real...and i will survive...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Judging people!!

it is very easy to announce how open minded we are, how understanding and anti judgmental individuals , we brag about being great friends because we think so..we live our lives spreading speeches about our principles and perspectives..we enjoy flattering words like " oh..how deep" or " yes you are absolutely right" and the best musical rhyme would be " I appologize, am wrong and you are right" Victory!

we on the other hand very easily pinpoint other people's flaws. we catch it immidiately as if we found water in the middle of a desert, we sit , analyze and criticize and then we start blaming, of course all whispering from ear to ear.we will be having that " disgusted look", and acting in shock that how can people do that??

do we look into ourselves? do we take a moment to analyze our personalities, maybe we do the same?maybe we are not as flawless as we think we are? maybe people do not tell us " you are wrong" because they dont care, or they dont want to hurt us or whatever?

Who gave us the right to judge people? who gave us the right to decide what is right and what is wrong?

I believe everyone should mind his own business and accept people the way they are as long as the way they are doesnt affect the way we are in any way!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

تحول


انفعال
يسن لي القوانين
يمليها الواحدة تلو الأخرى
والا سوار تعلو و تعلو وهو مازال يملي
الاشجار تبهت والاسوار تعلو
وأنا أصغر و أصغر أنزوي في الركن
أرى سورا ممتدا الى السماء
لا أرى السماء
لا أراني

غضب

أعتاد بقعتي في الزاوية
أتكيف بها ..وأعتاد الظلام
بغتة تغير مجرى الريح..تغيرت السنن
يشدني..يقول: مؤقتا
ويدفعني من جديد الى الزاوية
يشدني فأتلمس الضوء
ومن ثم يدفعني مجددا
مؤقتا
الريح

انفجار

ما بين الريح و الريح
أقف..أرنو
أتامل
أحزم امتعتي
أمد يدي الى الضوء
أرحل


Monday, August 18, 2008

Far Away



I look around , and i have this deep feeling that i miss something.. i gaze more attentively ...
my desk is brown...it is very sunny outside...the atmosphere out is not clear ..dusty....few palm trees here and there looking pale ,the buildings infront of my office are all brownish - yellowish...The AC is hitting my head and neck...i cant put it off because i will suffocate then..drinking my coffee in the middle of the summer just to keep me awake...waiting for the breakfast lady so i can grab a sandwich because i dont have time to eat before leaving home or i will risk the traffic..i can feel the potentials of a headache..it is coming..
And here i realize. i do miss something ..actually i miss alot of things..i miss to see the colour Green with all its shades...i miss the feel of soft breeze of nature on my skin...i miss to taste fruits immidiately after pciking them up out of the tree..i miss drinking water from a spring...i miss smelling the earth after a summer rainy day...i want to wake up to the sounds of kids playing freely in the yard .. i want to enjoy the warmth of the sun after a long white winter...i miss the surprises of nature everyday..sun..rain...flowers..trees..i want to inhale fresh air...i want it to fill my lungs and blood...i want to be free

Actually i miss being far far far away from here...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

how words are linked in our brains.

Today, one of my melancholic mood days - i asked a friend to describe me in one word, Stunningly she chose "Complicated" , which at first struck me as a negative word. i then asked her why did she chose complicated out of all the millions of words that are filling our world nowadays . and here - stunningly - was her answer


" I thought of Mature..But it doesn't contain all..I thought of Oprah, but yet not her.. i thought of Depressed but yet not all the time.. i thought of deep ..but not enough.. i thought of sensitive but not enough so here where i came up with complicated as you are a mixture of all."


Her explanation somehow was positive, and here where i stopped to wonder, how do we link words in our brains to certain labels.. why do we decide that this word is positive although it might have a negative effect and vice versa. For example, you call someone sensitive, positively it means he is an attentive person that takes care of peoples feelings , but also negatively it means he is so picky and gets emotional and upset so easily and always interpret things very negatively.


Labels come from mindsets and also status of emotion at that certain point. The way we were raised within our families, our society, how we were taught affects the way we link words, A conservative family that believes that laughing out loud and saying jokes is being rude and irrespectful will raise kids that will feel offended by a description like "Funny". At the same time your mood status at the point plays a very serious role in interpreting words and translating them, a very illiated mood will take a word like " Clumsy" in a very light way and maybe laugh about it too, while someone who is in an angry mood will be offended and insulted by the word


I think what am trying to say is we need to stop judging people's intentions from the words they say, we might ask and try to understand what is the real meaning behind the word said. and this way we might save ourselves alot of agony and anger by just understanding...