Will a good weather last?

As usual, am to early on the roads when it is still dark to beat the traffic, opening the window allowed some fresh breeze to sneak in, i inhaled so hard , allowing the air to diffuse from my lungs, to my blood and reach my mood,
I spend the whole summer like a drowning person gasping for air continuously trying so hard to survive and the moment the good weather marchs in, rescues me, i start inhaling so hard to make sure am still alive!

i drifted in my thoughts to friday where i went for a safari trip with friends, it was very good and hilarious on a group level of thinking, but when i think of it related to me and and only me...
i remeber when the sun was preparing to leave and we were in the middle of the desert where you can see nothing else but beautiful reddish orange dunes and spotted here and there with small dry bushes, i was sitting on the top of one of the dunes, my palms are connecting with the soft warm sand and looking at the sun, looking at the vast spread land where you dont know where the road begins and where it ends, animals footsteps are scattered here and there and you just wonder what animals pass through such a wild and dry land , I just fell in Love with the desert , i felt that solitary stand of it , standing and resisting the other side of the city with its tallest, largest, greatest...etc. Standing alone and strong and with all the dryness around still able to convey a message of warmth to whoever connects! it was an amazing moment , a moment of insight , a clear vision that revolves around strength, emotional strength

Another moment that affected me so much, sitting in the camp, which is somewhere in the nowhere , in the middle of the desert, they put all the lights off, and give you few minutes to gaze at the stars and fly away...the moment the lights went off, the whole sky was just spread with hundreds of stars just like an evening dress that is emboidered with Diamonds, i looked so attentively at the sky and suddenly , the stars were in a heart shape :-) , and i shouted in amazment , it is a heart! It is a sign, and my friends just started laughing and making jokes, But i did see a heart made of stars up so high, and i felt so deeply that love is my destiny..Love is around me, surrounding me and part of me..am loved by my family, my friends, and one day i will also be loved that special love that will take me away and up so high to blend with the stars!

Isnt it amazing how nature just gets to us, change our moods , softens our characters and make us Silly helpless romantic creatures!!

I just wish the good weather lasts...:)

When it Rains, it stops to begin

The events that happened last week at work, people were asked to leave, people that you have bonded for so long with and already built a comfortable relation with throughout the years, were just asked to leave, for "Reasons out of hand", Although i have spent the weekend trying to overcome the feeling, to isolate my emotional nature from work and professionalisim and just smile and say, hard luck. I believe i have succeeded just to toss it at the back of my thoughts, to cover the feelings with some anesthetic lotion.. for some other time

This other time, was today i believe, i had this total confidence in my peacefulness and slowly slowly it turned to annoyance then frustrations, urge to cry and to culminate in a doomed sense of suffocation which ironically i had no one to lean on or vent out to..

Looking back at life, it has been always like this, You struggle and struggle, till you fit, and when you fit , you begin to adjust , till you are comfortable where you are, and suddenly Life twists again so sharply, that you loose your balance and tend to fall and the cycle just goes on and on..Throughout this path you grab things on your way, peopele, memories, whatever that you can hold on to when the twist comes back again. You choose them, refine them, take care of them and keep them safe and secure because you know that they will be the arm you willl hold tight when you are shaken again... one of those choices are Friends!

What is friendship? is it defined? i checked it out on the wikepedia and this is what i got : denote co-operative and supportive behaviour between two or more beings

i asked some people , and i got few answers here and there
"Having no fear of being judged, and the comfort to share my true self."
"Support and compassion Smilies, giggles and tears "
" Fun and not too much drama"
"Trust and comfort"
"Security"

Friendship is difficult to define, it is such a vague term which can contain all and nothing at the same time,
At a younger age , i used to believe that friendship is a bless, it is holy and i used to believe that it is as simple as a qoute on those celebration cards where they say a friend is someone who you can lean on, who is there when you need him, who will laugh with you , who will cry with you.. who will listen. whom you will feel very comfortable talking to about anything and anytime

I look at those words now, and i try to think of my friends, close ones, They differ some are comfortable to be with but cant lean on , Some are so much fun, we laugh like hell but i cant share with, some are needy and wants your support but they are not there when you need them. and the list goes on..which makes me wonder, are best friends categorized, should they be categorized?

Can i have a close friend , for fun only? can i have nother one , for sharing only ? and can i be friends with someone whom i have to support always selflessly?

There is this area where everything is so grey, doubtful that when you need someone to listen to your suffocation, you are confused and hesitant, you are scared to be judged, you are worried that you will be called terms like "Drama Queen" and still you are torn apart between all those feelings and a feeling of guilt, guilt that you must accept your friends the way they are. But isnt any relationship a two way path, where you give and take? so why the guilt feelings?

Actualy all what am trying to say is Where are my friends when i need them?

Am in that twist of life and everything i can lean on is so foggy that i cant grab or hold tight onto anything, Rain Drops are falling and falling , drizzling on my face and disappearing as if they never were , why do they keep falling to a fate they know, a fate that dooms them to a nonexisting tomorrow . When will i stop falling..