Saturday, October 4, 2008

A Blue Mood


And here goes one of my blue moods


I am Stuck. this has been a constant feeling that has overwhlemed me for some time now.. Stuck somewhere ,


Do we really have a choice in our lives? i hardly felt that we have choices, i always feel that circumstances were imposed on me and i need to adapt to it accordingly.. am trying to be fair, to think of sometime when i had the choice of choosing or preferring something over the other..
Yes , it might seem like i made the choice, but when analyzing, circumstances just bundles in a chain where you feel at the end that you have no choice but to choose your act ..


When we are deeply in love, and when this person constantly hurts us, and constantly moves all his energy towards destruction then at the end of the day you have no choice but to end this love up.It is the right choice definatley.. but this is now how you planned or decided for it to be..it just happened.
You are stuck in a job...where you are brilliant and very much appreciated, but did you choose this job? No , it was imposed on you and you had no choice but to accept it and you have no other choice but to be good at it so you can keep it
Did i choose to live in this country? Hell no...but i have to live here due to all surrounding circumstance..


Our lives are just a chain where everthing corelates, tangles in a very mysterious way and through a force majeur , where most of the time you dont have a say in it
In some other Pink mood , i would have said, " an individual creates his own circumstances and a failure is one who blames it all on his circumstances"
But today , Now.. am exhausted..i cant just continue struggling and trying ...and today am blaming it on circumstances...
The whole world seems to move on...and am just stuck with choices i didnt make ...and am energyless..and cant fight it anymore...


Tomorrow might be another day..and might not

2 comments:

Master of Ceremony said...

What twists the knife in your back and bury it even deeper is to see the whole world around you moving on while your glued to this particular point that you didn't choose. Paralyzed. Lonely. Afraid. Nostalgic. Weeping for the past that has never existed and the future that will never be. A thousand debris swept by the hurricane slapping your face and you can't do a thing. You can't. Because All what could have happened didn't happen.

Salma said...

Hana'a
Thanks for passing by
Actually all what you wanted it to happen didnt happen, and you stopped at oone point hoping for anything to happen.. You just want some peace in Solitude
I wish sometimes if there is some anesthesia which will just numb you, so you wont forget all the past imposed choices on you, or some memory clearing machine.

But the funny part is that there is this tiny bit of hope that always float infront of me..Things should change..must change...might change one day