Thursday, October 16, 2008


I had a very interesting discussion with a dear friend of mine, the discussion was triggered by a quote read from the book "the Power of Now" for Eckhart Tolle

"Since the ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things,it needs to be both fed and defended constantly . the most common ego identifications has to do with possessions,the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance.............................................................. None of these is you "

When she read this quote out loudly, it hit a nerve , it triggered a speedy flow of thoughts emerged with emotions.
When i wander at myself and different people around me, i see us incomplete and unsatisfied. it is like a trend , no matter what you have, what you have achieved or obtained, you always hear the word" am Bored".. " i need something different " ..." i need more "
It is like we fear the disappearance of ourselves if we are not connected to something or someone, the fear of not existing is the biggest fear that dissolves within us and becomes one of us ,which brings me to the quote above, we always crave and need to identify with something or someone to feel alive and to feel our existence .

I looked into my life, and it was not surprising to realize how i always cling to things and merge with them to form a coexistance that will help me BE "As i tend to believe"
Work, constant competition to prove , that i can do it..Work is so much involved in me and am so much involved in it, that thoughts of events at work just haunts me each and every moment am concious, Sometimes i try to resist, i keep on talking to my "unconcious" " it is just a is just a job" and even when i settle for this thought for a while, i again loose my self to the battle of my ego at the least trigger, fear just hugs me tight , the fear of not being appreciated, the fear of loosing at the finish line of the competition, and the funny part , there is never a finish line, you will keep running and running..

No matter what i have achieved at work, i still feel something is missing, i still have the addict rush to identify with something more fullfilling and here comes the need to love and be loved, the need of having someone in your life, someone special that will complete you and make you feel whole. Why does it always seem that we will always be unhappy until we find our other half. is there something called " the other half?" we are "whole", so why do we need another half..why cant we search for another "Whole"?or why cant we live the moment of being and the "whole "will pass by eventually?

I try sometimes to drift my thoughts from this need which is aching sometimes, and here i fall into a space of emptiness, and i feel the hole getting bigger and the panic starts and triggers a new search of identification elements. i constantly seek acceptance, acceptance of my friends, my family, even anonymous people around the universe where you know you wont meet except once. Seeking acceptance, is triggered by an illusion that if am not accepted , i stop existing..

The search of identifying is everlasting and never ends
i would disagree somehow with the author of the book as he is being radical in giving the solution, he suggests that we stop looking back and stop anticipating the future and just live the moment of NOW , and here you will reach to the peace of soul and enlightment

As i stated earlier, he is being a bit unrealistic because no matter how much you try ,you can never get rid of your memories, and no matter how hard your attempts are but you will always anticipate something to come...
I believe in Balance
We need to fight the fear, the root cause of all this chaotic ego - self race is fear..We have to believe that we do exist , that way we are, no matter what our memories are and no matter how the future turns out, we are what we are, maybe by absorbing the idea that we can never change what happened and we can never predict what will happen, that will help us accept our past, accept the sorrow in it , and cherish the smile it left. it helps us give in to faith, to GOD and that whatever happens will happen for a reason..
And just love ourselves the way we are, now

This balance between the yesterday, now and tomorrow, will give us the existence we need.

i will quote myself

Today i am resisting the norm, today am resisting me, today i will be.

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