Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Inner Void!

While reading "Let me stand alone: The Journals of Rachel Corrie" , and while she was defining the qualities that she find attractive in others, this caught my attention

"Independence: People who value alone time and take it. People who have their own agenda. .People who are their own best friends."

We always assume ,ofcourse depending on literature, and society definitions, that independency is having a good career, good money, own house, own car, fullfilling realtionship..etc, in fact we are dependent even if we have all this, we are dependent on our boss and co workers, to tell us that we are doing a good job and if they dont, no matter how hard we try we are still not satisfied. Money, we are constantly worried, making our calculations, making sure there will be enough till the end of the month if we go buy something expensive or something we want..and no matter how much money we gain more, we still feel it is not enough because we start wanting more..and we are eventually not satisfied.We are living alone, having a beautiful house, but still we are constantly bored and lonely and we are not satisfied, and i wont start here on relationships la2nu i will need 100s of posts to talk about the empty feelings and unsatisfaction between friends, lover, couples, spouses

All those elements are the crust, shallow physical things, that you never feel full , you are always hungry for more, never satisfied , disconnected and having this aching inner void

We just lost the connection with our core, our peace..we are so busy to know US, to love US, to enjoy the time we spent with US. We are scared to have some free time, because we will feel the void again, so we are always desperate for company, desperate for someone to love, desperate for a job and so on..

And no! it is not easy to stop searching, it is not easy to be independet, and if you think am having a solution here, then am disappointing you, because am still in that area where i feel the void and the emptiness..am too disconnected from my core and floating somewhere there..
Maybe i need to start writing a diary, where my thoughts will fall onto lines, organized lines and i will find myself between them..am not sure

they tell you that the first step to solve an issue is to know the root of it. well i have analyzed above the root of the inner void i feel, but Sorry, i cant find the solution, i dont know what is the next step!